Dear Everyone-
Many of you are bad at naming cats. This is not meant as an insult (yes it is). It is meant to encourage you to attempt something more inventive, so that your precious meowing mammal does not have to go out into the world like countless other creatures with sub-standard noms de banalité.
So let's start with the No-No List. Here are the top three ridiculously boring things people have chosen that you should not:
1. Fluffy.
Is any explanation needed? Really? Fluffy? It trivializes the character of your cat. Also, if there was a U.S. Census Bureau for felines, the
results for Fluffy would be equivalent to that of the English surname Smith: "Please refine your search."
2. Whiskers.
A lot of animals have whiskers. Nothing new is being said here. But, it's the same issue as with the first example. Lame. Common. And also,
it objectifies. It's about how the cat looks rather than how the cat is. You wouldn't like it if someone officially named you "Fleshy"
or "Sebaceous" or "Eyebrows" right? Even if you would enjoy that, your cat probably won't.
3. Sparkles.
Honestly, anything flashy and overtly gregarious in nature similar to this, like Princess. It's just bad, okay?
Why not something stripper-esque, like "Candy" or "Hot Licorice" or something? How about "Mr. President" or "BBC" or "Mosmeow" or something
linguistically pleasing, like "Petrichor"? There are numerous entertaining options to go with.
As Shakespeare's Juliet once expressed, "What is in a name? That which we call a rose /By any other name would smell as sweet."
The value of your mewling darling is not necessarily determined by what you dub it for the rest of its life. Regardless, bland names are by definition unsavory, and you should feel that you owe it to your cat to respect it enough to put serious effort into the naming process. Whether what you choose is creative, experimental, or personal is your choice. Just leave the cliches somewhere deep, deep within the closed-off septic-recesses of your mind.
