Your Cat is a Predator and Thusly a Threat to Wildlife, Not a "Civilized" Softie

Is your cat an outdoorsy type? Do you let it run around unsupervised for any length of time? Generally speaking, do you find teeny corpses around your property? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you should watch this documentary. If an hour is too long of a commitment, let me break it down for you here.

• You need to spay and neuter your cats. A female can produce as many as 60 kittens a year. They reproduce exponentially. The population needs to be held in-check. Spaying and neutering cats can help to decrease the transmission of FIV and Feline Leukemia as well, which means more healthy kitties (regardless of whether they're feral or not). 

• Cats are, in many habitats, an invasive species and have been threatening the diversity of ecosystems since colonialism began, like, "hey this isn't our land but we're just gonna do what we want and then leave, or stay, ya know, whatever the fuck we decide on. ps here are our hoofed mammals and cats, who will also fuck your shit up for centuries." Researchers have found (see video above) that how fed a domestic or feral cat does not affect how often it hunts. Shocking, right? Cats are assholes. Moving on. 

• In Australia, many of the creatures Aborigines needed have disappeared or become so low in number that they aren't sustainable as a food source. Years ago, they began eating cats as "bush meat." Now, if you're outraged by this, you're incredibly daft. Europeans introduced non-native animals. Those animals consumed Australian resources rapidly. It is only natural they think to consume them to re-balance the equation.

• Over-population is happening everywhere, not just in Australia. Take, for example, Aoshima. The cats there are dominating the island and the only thing humans can do is damage-control at this point. In the United States singularly, there are 70 million feral cats (some articles estimate it at 50 million now, but I digress). 

• One of the major reasons the population has begun to swell in many countries again has to do with owners adopting domestic cats, not having them spayed or neutered, and then, as if this is logical or ethical, releasing them into the wild if they a) can no longer care for them b) can not maintain care for litters they produce. Once that happens, they often become too antisocial to re-socialize. Meaning, wildlife veterinarians keep doing what they can for the birds and bunnies and others cats attack (though the death rate is high and unnecessary), and nonprofit organizations strive for catch-and release spaying/neutering and vaccination operations, unless they find they can rehabilitate the cats and adopt them out. This is such a huge drain on everyone trying to help by essentially cleaning up a wholly preventable mess shitty people have created and continue to perpetuate.  

• Because feral cats are such an imposing force on local wildlife, you need to keep your cats indoors to minimize the devastation. If your cats really, really need to go outside, leash train your cats. If they don't comply, consider building a contained outdoor jungle gym or system of tunnels, so they can roam outside and be surrounded by plants and enjoy chirpy-chirps without having a negative impact. If this is too expensive, invest in a pet stroller (I'd recommend using two small hitch pins instead of one to secure each wheel; Home Depot has them and sizes for comparison) and a harness and lead. Many cats are just as comfortable being wheeled around with an occasional walk allowed as they are roaming alone. Would they greatly prefer the latter option? Likely. But toddlers would much rather always stay up late and never get shots. That doesn't mean we let them determine what is acceptable or responsible behavior. 

Taken from http://articles.latimes.com/2013/aug/16/science/la-sci-sn-feral-cats-neuter-20130816. 

Be the good cat-person you want to see in the world. Or else, you will be judged and harshly reprimanded. There may not be such a place as hell, but maybe, just mayyyybe, you should do your damnedest to keep it away from earth. 

Cats, the World, and All Who Share Their Sacred Space: The Power of Purr-fur

On Cat Fancy's Facebook page today, they made a post that garnered interesting tips: "For cat lovers, cleaning up cat hair is second nature. But where is the strangest place you've ever found those little tufts of hair? And what do you do with cat hair - toss it or use it creatively?" 

Most online users had quaint responses, but some mentioned that if they have long-hairs, they collect the fur and leave it outside in bird feeders, so it can be utilized as a lining for birds' nests. Some commenting also mentioned reappropriating bowls (if they couldn't afford or build something like a bird feeder) and hanging them from (or leaving them on) windowsills, porches, and branches so that it can be plucked and taken away on a needs-basis. 

Some also knit with cat fur, or spin it into felt. A book called "Knitting with Cat Hair" by Kaori Tsutaya has become immensely popular. There are a variety of applications we've clearly not tapped into as a culture at large. But it got me thinking: what else do we not know? 



According to the internet mag Catster, cat hair (along with that of humans and dogs) can be used to clean up oil spills and to formulate allergy injections for cats (which laboratories pay for, and sellers occasionally put funds toward charitable organizations). 

Personally, I'm going to try collecting my cat's fluff and sending it back to those he seeks to maim. That seems fair and karmic. Sidenote, life goal: make pajamas made strictly from shed feline fuzz. Accept that it will take a plebeian such as myself to learn how. Frame in glass case after finishing because it's just that much a labor-of-love. 


 

Remember: Cats Are Basically Less Expensive Children Who Don't Get A College Education (Let's Keep It That Way, Financially)

Cat toys are expensive. Cat beds are expensive. Cat boxes are expensive. Cat weed is expensive. Boo-hoo.

But there are a few cheat codes for those of us on a budget, and for those of us who just like to be crafty.

First of all, if you've ever bought a pet bed or litter pan at Petsmart or Petco, I really hope that worked out for you. I really do. I hope the products proved sustainable and long lived. Truly. 

But for those of us who think anything above $15 might as well be featured next to the self-cleaning poop vessels and "kitty washroom cabinets" advertised in SkyMall, such purchases are a mistake.

For under $10, you can buy a Rubbermaid container from the magical world of Dollar General (and its equivalents) or a tray organizer online. Most litter liners will fit the dimensions, and if they don't, trash bags are just as useful.

If you're feeling clever and lazy, let your cat use the potty via household plants.

Pros: free fertilizer (though urine can kill some fauna), very little cleanup.

Cons: stank and a potentially hella dead garden.

"Remain calm. Owner has yet to notice." 

Now on to something less shitty. Does your cat like sleeping? Oh gee willawhiskers, I thought so! Well, there's nothing more fun than making a sweet pad for your babette. No-sew fleece blankets are simple and effective. This tutorial is great for showing how to make one, but before finishing the tie offs, try stuffing some pillow fluff in. Obviously you might want to make the thing a bit smaller, so it'd be more manageable. Fabric is pretty affordable. Jo-Ann's is having a sale, in fact, on blizzard fleece. And generally, Michael's stocks pillow stuffing. If not, then Walmart will have it for sure, and it tends to be wallet-friendly.  

Apparently, pet sofas are also doable. I mean, if you're really good at sewing, maybe. 

Can this be human sized? Please? 

Maybe this isn't common sense to people, but when you buy something at a store, you're paying for the materials used as well as the time it took to complete the creation, plus likely some sort of overhead fee. This is exactly why I can't stress enough: even if you want to buy something mass marketed, you'll still save a lot just on toys by buying catnip in bulk and doing your own projects.

I personally prefer Kong Naturals Premium Catnip because there's an option of 1 oz and 2 oz jars, and the 2 oz one usually has a free trinket inside. Depending on where you buy it from (eBay, Amazon, the company website) it's not likely going to run you more than $8. I got my 2 oz for $4.99 on Amazon about two years ago, and I still have half the jar left, even though two other felines have also had some of their own.

That's much better than paying $2.99-$4.99 for a single item that will likely not survive past a year or so without serious damage.

The reason I decided to start making things for them initially had nothing to do with money, though. Snowball, my mom's cat, is a compulsive drool when a) in a car b) exposed to catnip. Can't do much about her vehicle nausea and spastic nature there, but I thought, "Why not put a lump of this in a sock?" 

Best. Idea. Ever. 

Everyone has some unmatched, ugly sock somewhere. What better way to get rid of it and not feel wasteful? Give those lonely, single, probably secretly alcoholic because life is sad when you're all alone in the drawer foot-warmers a new purpose.

Pros: absorbs cat spit; depending on how tied it's not easy to rip.
Cons: the torture and end of one sock life. 

No, I am not the first person to do this. I just happened to have come upon the idea on my own and realize it was not very original.

As you can plainly see, it's an effective method. Some people recommend using baby socks, but I find that a tad odd. I mean, I'm not going to Babies R' Us just to get baby socks... for my cat. But some like to because it's cuter than a crew sock and some have even made pages on how to art them into looking like fake mice. I know for sure there's a Girl Scout Troop explanation of this on Spoonful.

Voila.

Which reminds me: if you've got kids, these are great little activities to do with them. Or rather, to let them mess up royally until you swoop in to fix whatever has gone awry. Suitable for scissor experts 6+ up.

Other cheap cat amusements: rubber balls from grocer bubble machines (.25 to .50 cents each), carpeted PVC piping, anything you've ever loved and desperately desired NOT to be destroyed (see cat for further info).

Aliens? Nah. Just Your Typical Overlord with a Star Shaped Anus Stranded on Earth.

In 1978, Disney thought it would be a great idea to make a sci-fi movie starring a cat. Surely, the creators thought, any film featuring a spacecraft and a meowmeow will gain interest and be relatively fruitful.

The Cat From Outer Space, when it was released, got average reviews. A French version was created though, if I'm not mistaken, so it wasn't a totally lame attempt.


Dat wink.

It was considered great for children and those who dislike profanity. Which is probably why it still has a rating of three stars on IMDB. That and for the sake of nostalgia.

In any case, it fell into obscurity until, like all somewhat known old school Disney productions, it was revamped and marketed with a new cover and sold in your friendly neighborhood Toys R' Us stores and Walmart 'bargain bins' as a DVD. (Shocker of all shocks! So technologically advanced! Kick that Beta Master to the curb!).

My mother, while she was going through some kind of 'Okay, I'm just going to buy Katrina everything that has anything to do with felines' phase, bought said DVD for me about seven years ago. It is the only DVD I own. I don't know what this says about me as a person.

When I watched it back then, I'm not going to lie, I fell asleep. It was four in the afternoon, too. Not really a prime time for napping. Or maybe it is. I thought it was weird and pointless and was bothered that Zunar-J-5/9 Doric-4-7's mouth didn't move when he spoke. But I've always maintained that first impressions don't mean shit when it comes to art. So I tried again.

Turns out, there were a lot of innuendos and references that went way over my head as a kid. Aside from scrutinizing the pseudo-logical aspects here and there, I enjoyed it. I did. At some point I turned my brain off and said, "Just look at the pretty kitty!"


The original poster used when it came out.

It is not a great movie. It is not an inspiring movie. It is not a movie that got any kind of award at any point. It likely never will get any award at any point ever. But it's pretty amusing, especially considering the amount of internet jokes recently suggesting all things Felidae shall come to rule the world. Maybe that's always been the joke though. Probably.

My only real criticism is that it's a hard one to watch alone. In some ways, it's a vanilla version of cult flicks like The Room. It holds much more fun and intrigue when friends are around to a) make light of it b) laugh with c) silently eat popcorn and milk duds alongside.


Voilà ici, le chat tabby de la nouveau affiche. 

The only serious concerns I have, though I do appreciate its cheeky plot line, are how farmers are represented, which seems to be as nincompoops (I understand slapstick and gimmicks, but it didn't feel necessary here), and of how the cast looks like the liquid cover-up section of OfficeMax: hardcore whited-out.

But, overall, I really love the concepts the authors introduced in what was pimped out as a children's movie. Evolution, telekinesis, other worlds, alchemy. It's a nice blend of fantasy and science. I think I'm also partial to the work because the main character adopted the nickname 'Jake.' Same as my pet. Daw.

Things I admire about it:

-that muhfucka's got a fancy ass collar
-government conspiracy subplot
-PG 13 romance
-CATS

Things I am disinclined to admire about it:

-unbelievable engineering
-a little slow paced
-goofy stereotypes

I would put the whole thing on YouTube, but I'm lazy and that platform has gotten too serious about copyright infringement. So if anyone I know in the real world is curious, I will burn some copies.

Here is the introduction.
Here is a short scene.

The end.



Go forth and purrsper. 

Chats et Les Beaux Arts

Great cat art, though it may not always be recognized immediately, can be found everywhere and anywhere. But we are not talking about painted wood carvings one may discover in a typical Goodwill. We are talking about well done, well thought out pieces honoring the feline form.

And so, I bring to you some of the best works of this century and past ones! (Taxidermy not included).

Paintings

The majestic and emotive artworks of Tokuhiro Kawai can only be described as mystical realism. One of the best of which is a series spread over the course of four years called "Cats with Crowns" which includes Idea of a Certain Cat (2004), Tame Cat's Optical Illusion (2006) and Smolder Thinking (2008). 


Idea of a Certain Cat (2004)


Tame Cat's Optical Illusion (2006)


Smolder Thinking (2008)

Aside from this, the artist has done other pieces as well involving cats, such as the one pictured below.


 Harbinger of Storm (2004)

And one of my favorites as well as the above is the very amusing 'portrait' which I roughly translated to be "Cat Which Seems To Put On Boots" (perhaps a reference to the old Mother Goose story).


This is the actual title: 長靴を履いていると思われる猫  (2007)

Another distinguished painter is Eldar Zakirov of Uzbekistan, who was commissioned by Heritage Magazine to digitally produce stylized portraits of cats in a historically Renaissance-esque style. The most pleasing part of this is that he offers prints through deviantart.com. Here are a couple samples.





Regal, are they not?

But there are so many other artists who have included cats or featured them prominently in their artworks. Consider older ones, like Renoir’s Woman With a Cat c. 1875 (and Fernand Léger's painting of the same title) and Julie Manet with Cat c. 1887, the detail of a cat in Manet’s Olympia c. 1863 and a painting featuring his pet Zizi Woman With a Cat c. 1880, Jean-Babtiste-Simeon Chardin’s The Ray c. 1728, and Théophile Steinlen's 1896 poster. Artist Louis Wain, who painted psychedelic images of cats (which, reportedly, was a style influenced by his schizophrenia), imaginative, New Yorker-cover-esque scenes of cats and their company by Matte Stephens, street art cats by Christian Guemy, and Sara Pulver’s Cat N Crow series. There are also older Japanese paintings featuring calico cats and other breeds as well. Cats, guys. Cats are awesome. And this is only a brief list of everything that's out there!

Sculptures

In terms of this art genre, it can be difficult to find decent cat art. There are, of course, the Lucky Cat (Maneki-neko) dolls, often sold in Chinese restaurants, and occasional lawn and garden decorations, but outside of that, not much has been unearthed and marketed widely at affordable prices.  Ebay, however, has proved the best place to find amazing cat sculptures.

Art Deco style pieces, perhaps, are some of the best finds. Take for example the ones made by DeWitt from the 1960's of a very smooth, simplistic design.



It almost looks like an Oscar, but for cats.

What's great about sculptures, though, is that they can be made from pretty much any kind of material (including recyclables) and every process of crafting is different. Take, for example, blown glass. Having been to Lotton Art Glass Co. once years ago for a behind-the-scenes look at how it works, I can say it's one of the coolest mediums. Because it's dangerous and magical. Just watch!

Artist Oki Yasunobu is noteworthy as well, for his cat expertise. He makes made-to-order Kokeshi dolls which, historically, were only made to look like humans. They're really neat. No limbs or outlying parts are allowed, so the artist has to paint on the details. It has to be completely smooth. There are even competitions for Kokeshi designs now in Japan.

Kokeshi Cats 


To have one made in the likeness of your feline, the artist asks that photos be sent to him. Standard delivery, according to their website, is three weeks after pictures are received, but I believe it could be faster if pre-made ones are ordered.

The last sculptor I can think to fit here would be the Etsy seller Maid of Clay (semi-secretly known in real life as Felicia Nelson) who works primarily in pottery. She has a whole section for 'cat lovers,' and it's interesting to see what she's...exaggerated, if you will, in terms of the cats' features.

But really, a lot of her work is practical and attractive. Like the 'Yarn Bowl.'



She also does what appear to be soap dishes, teapots, plain ol' figurines, and plates.

10/10 would eat Sushi off of.

Your Cats Harbor Resentment Over This Issue And It's Likely Why Your Blinds Are Ruined

Dear Everyone-

Many of you are bad at naming cats. This is not meant as an insult (yes it is). It is meant to encourage you to attempt something more inventive, so that your precious meowing mammal does not have to go out into the world like countless other creatures with sub-standard noms de banalité. 

So let's start with the No-No List. Here are the top three ridiculously boring things people have chosen that you should not: 

1. Fluffy. 

Is any explanation needed? Really? Fluffy? It trivializes the character of your cat. Also, if there was a U.S. Census Bureau for felines, the 
results for Fluffy would be equivalent to that of the English surname Smith: "Please refine your search." 

2. Whiskers. 

A lot of animals have whiskers. Nothing new is being said here. But, it's the same issue as with the first example. Lame. Common. And also, 
it objectifies. It's about how the cat looks rather than how the cat is. You wouldn't like it if someone officially named you "Fleshy" 
or "Sebaceous" or "Eyebrows" right? Even if you would enjoy that, your cat probably won't. 

3. Sparkles. 

Honestly, anything flashy and overtly gregarious in nature similar to this, like Princess. It's just bad, okay? 

Why not something stripper-esque, like "Candy" or "Hot Licorice" or something? How about "Mr. President" or "BBC" or "Mosmeow" or something 
linguistically pleasing, like "Petrichor"? There are numerous entertaining options to go with. 

As Shakespeare's Juliet once expressed, "What is in a name? That which we call a rose /By any other name would smell as sweet."

The value of your mewling darling is not necessarily determined by what you dub it for the rest of its life. Regardless, bland names are by definition unsavory, and you should feel that you owe it to your cat to respect it enough to put serious effort into the naming process. Whether what you choose is creative, experimental, or personal is your choice. Just leave the cliches somewhere deep, deep within the closed-off septic-recesses of your mind.